Friday, November 19, 2010

Dietary Discussion

Readers of this blog know that I am often outraged by a lot of things. This post will be no different, and much more important. Gun control? Abortion? Political debates? Those are all things of the past because there is something much more important that needs to be discussed: CANDY.

Guess what? Candy is delicious, so don't try to pretend that it isn't. Has anyone out there ever had gummy candy? Of course you have because, again, it is crazy delicious. "But, Blogger (which is my name)," you might be asking, "Why are you telling me that candy and gumballs are delicious when it is already so obvious that I know that?" I say it because you have forgotten your love for candy; you have abandoned it like Harry Potter on the doorstep of his fat uncle's house (because the movie came out today. That's why).

People treat candy like it's poison. Is that a joke? Candy is the opposite of poison. Some people out there might think that medicine is the opposite of poison, but those people can't read. If they could read they would know that medicine is pretty much also poison when compared to candy. Ever had a flu shot? What happened, did you get really sick? Yeah that sounds like a poison to me. Well have you ever eaten licorice candy? It does the opposite of the so-called flu vaccine. I only ate licorice candy for a month once to prevent myself from getting flu, and it worked. Did I just make that part up? That is between me and the internet, you are just reading a conversation that we are having so please don't butt in.

As far as I am concerned gummy candy should become our new form of currency. Why--you might be asking? First, if you don't trust my opinions by now there is no need for you to be asking questions. And second, people would work a lot harder if they were paid in candies instead of with bits of paper. If every time my check came it was actually ten buckets of gummy candy I would be so happy. About everything.

Maybe some of you out there have "families" and don't think that you can survive on gummy candy, to which I have two replies. For one, your kids will love getting candy all the time; kids are practically the only people in the world who love candy without shame. For another thing, we all know that you just want to buy candy with your paycheck anyway, so what's with all the extra steps? Like you and I need something else in the way of getting candy.

As adults we are supposed to hate candy because it makes us fat and toothless. yeah right. Just go running and brush your teeth. The fact that we are not allowed to trick or treat anymore is one of the many ways in which society implies that candy is not for adults. Guess what, society? When my kids start trick or treating they are splitting that candy with me. If society is going to find ways to stop me from getting candy, then I am going to give that feeling to other people in my family. Now my kids will see the importance of candy as I take it away (they might also start to hate me too, but the lesson is what's important). As they grow up candy will stay important to them because their childhood hunger for it will have never been filled. They will keep fighting the good fight long after I am gone.


  1. I love and respect how this post turned into a rant about how rad candy is.

  2. I really like this post. it's funny.