Thursday, November 11, 2010

Teeth, Not the Movie

I try to live my life in the least vain and shallow ways as possible. When I say this I mean that I try not to worry about my appearance in a way that overtakes my life, and I also try not to judge other people based on their looks.

To be more specific and fair, I am talking about not judging a person based on their natural appearance; if someone dresses like an idiot they are clearly an idiot. The types of physical appearances that I am trying not to judge are things that are unchangeable traits. If someone has a bad nose? Big deal. Constantly crossed eyes? Kind of awesome. No hair? I love how aerodynamic you are. If a person has a seemingly unfair trait because of their gene pool it is no reason to form an opinion in any way.

Just don't dress weird, tan, or alter your bodily appearance because you watch too much television and don't know how to interpret what you see, unless you want to be judged as such.

Okay. Now that everyone reading this know how I feel, we can get to the real reason for this post: to talk about a struggle that I have with this un-shallow mindset of mine. I know that not judging people based on physical abnormalities makes me appear as a saint, but I do have one problem: teeth.

I know, I know. People having bad teeth is completely normal, and thus unfair to judge. In fact, people having bad teeth could be a result of poverty, and this makes it even less of a reason to be appalled by it. But seriously, bad teeth are gross. If you are poor get a better job that has dental benefits--including teeth whitening. Actually, don't even go that far; just brush them twice a day and you can skip the teeth whitening process. I hate myself for saying this because I grew up near Vista CA, and everyone there had such white teeth that they nearly blinded my every time I went to work at the mall.

I am sorry people out there with bad teeth; I promise not to judge you when I see you, but I will still into not looking at your face for the extent of our conversation.

There are even a lot of problems that I have with people who go out of their way to look clean and wealthy, and having great teeth is something that every rich yuppie has. Still, somehow this one trait has gotten passed my better judgments and intelligent opinions. Dyed your hair? It had better be a neon color and not fake blond. Got a tan? You had better have gotten in accidentally from the sun. Really white teeth? I know you just paid for that... but they look great. It is my ultimate goal to get over this one piece of appreciative vanity that sits in my brain and makes me shallow.

I do not want to judge people on how they look, so it would be great if everyone just fixed their teeth so I wouldn't have to worry about confronting this issue anymore. You can all be as skinny or as fat as you want, but you had better not have gross teeth. What am I, still a saint? I just got passed the point of feeling bad about this--this article is too long. Your teeth are gross. Teeth whitening isn't expensive, so I don't care how poor you are. Plus, poor people just spend their welfare checks on McDonald's and useless stuff at Walmart anyway. Get it together and buy something that will help you get a job and not bum me out.

1 comment:

  1. I think everyone's picked up the movie Teeth in blockbuster, skimmed the synopsis and felt disturbed. Oh wait, blockbuster's out of business. Send me some teeth whitening stuff. Because I'm English (insert bad teeth joke) and teeth whitener is a rip off. I want the full American experience, here.