Thursday, July 29, 2010

Party Less Hard

If National parties were deadly animals, Mardi Gras would be a giant squid with a tiny bear head on the end of each tentacle--and those bears would have laser mouths*. What I'm saying is that Mardi Gras is a really dangerous place. Whether it's drunk people staggering and puking everywhere, dangerous floats, or aggressive frat boys, the dangers lurk around every corner.

There are certain precautions you can take though: For one, don't go--problem solved. However, if you love partying too much to avoid this mess, then maybe you should be in contact with a good law firm. If someone crosses your path then take them down as fast as you can--especially if they are the frat boys. Don't let the matrons and patrons of Baton Rouge scare you into submission.

If nothing can keep you away from Baton Rouge then be prepared. Bring some hidden weapons and an attitude--people hate having their buzz killed. Just avoid the crowds and clutch the card with that has the number of the law firm on it. The world is kind of like a vampire, and vampires are every one of the seven sins--brutal. Be careful when you are partying, and be sure to take no prisoners.

*Other deadly animal options I considered: (1) ...Mardi Gras would be a giant squid with crocodile teeth on each tentacle--and those teeth were actually flames. (2) ...Mardi Gras would be a giant grizzly with a dragon's head–and that dragon was made of machine guns.

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